The good, the bad, the ugly

     Well, today has been one of those days! Right now I just want to be left alone and get some sleep. It started this morning when a total stranger struck up a conversation with me. Then, 10 minutes later, it happened again! I barely like talking to people I know, what makes a complete stranger think I want to have a conversation with them? Skip the small talk and just pretend you don't see me....please! The second stranger struck while my 4 year old was crying and whining about how she wanted a stupid little rubber ducky in the smoothy shop. "No" was the answer (as I had just bought her a dress). Well, she carried on like only a 4 year old drama queen can. I distracted her long enough to squelch the irritating whining. Total stranger #2 says something like, "oh, I was going to buy it for her if she didn't stop." Seriously? I would have to poke your eyes out with a plastic fork lady, really??! Yes total stranger, please reward my child for making me want to pull her fingernails out! I'm sure that lady gives her dog cookies when it barks non-stop at her too.
     Unfortunately for me, the 4 year old whining and crying at the drop of a hat continued for the rest of the day. This evening, I received an email from work stating that one of my co-workers had passed away. She was in her mid 50's, had 2 teenagers, was always so much fun to work with. My heart hurts. She had become ill last spring with some sort of blood disorder, had gone through chemo and a stem cell transplant. I knew from the get-go it wasn't good, but this just really sucks. I will miss Deb and remember her enjoying her yodels and Little Debbie snack cakes.
     So, let's move on to 'the good.' Hubby's sister got married this past weekend and what an awesome party it was! We got all dressed up, ate good food, enjoyed some cocktails, enjoyed good family and friends, and danced up a storm! It was awesome. I had great energy and...dare I say...even forgot I had cancer! That's the thing with waiting so long until surgery (6/30), I am enjoying myself and forgetting what lies ahead (and within me).
     My doctor appointment last Friday went fine. My genetic testing came back and I am BRCA negative. So, no genetic markers of this cancer being hereditary. Good. But, I have to tell you that signing a consent form to have both of my breasts removed took a little wind out of my sails. I think my bottom lip even pouted out a little when the surgeon gave me the pen. I felt sad, heartbroken....the same way I felt when I learned I had cancer. But, a quick trip to Target for some retail therapy and I was feeling better. (Sorry honey!)
     Overall, I feel good and am really enjoying being a full time mom...even after today! My little one warms my cold, cold heart! ha! Last night while reading to her before bed, she placed her hand on my right breast and asked if that was the one that had cancer in it. I told her it was. She said ok and moved on to lefty to use as a pillow. She talks of how she will care for me after my surgery and even let me watch some of her movies if I want. I am happy that we have an open dialogue on the situation and it is not the 'scary' thing it could be. Enjoy your last weekend of May, the little and I will be heading out to visit my mom and dad.